Avast, ye scurvy Texas Tech blackhearts! Prepare to be boarded by the dread Cap'n Leach!
Fond of pirates is Mike Leach. He's about to make off with a few of the millions he helped pillage for Tech after being fired by the Red Raiders for allegedly locking away the son of half of the Pony Express, Craig James.
Leach says it didn't happen the way the James family and the Red Raiders say it did, that it was not merely a cramped electrical closet that served as Adam James' brig, that James was a slacker who is not liked by his teammates.
Regardless of the stories lobbed from either camp, which are not truths but legal positioning statements, one thing does ring true: Texas Tech's hair trigger in firing Leach so quickly after suspending him is because the pirate coach would be due a large treasure chest of money on New Year's Eve, as per his contract.
Unless, of course, he's no longer the coach.
And, of all the coincidences, he's no longer the coach! Gee, guess that worked out well for Tech.
Except that Mike Leach knows how to sail the legal ocean, being a lawyer himself, and all.
The lack of due process already shows, and whether or not Leach was morally liable, this will be his legal point. Leach was preparing to fight his suspension in front of a judge, but didn't even get his day in court before Tech rendered moot his fight by firing him as the parties were headed for the courtroom.
Word was, as Leach's lawyer Ted Liggett read Texas Tech's letter of dismissal aloud, the packed courtroom where the hearing was to have taken place became unruly as unhappy Red Raiders supporters shouted that they would not be renewing their season tickets.
About now is when you see the close up of the captain of Texas Tech's ship, athletic director Gerald "Cap'n Bligh" Myers; slowly taking his spy glass away from his eye, a look of horror on his face as Leach and an armada of Red Raiders boosters sail closer and closer, Myers suddenly realizing he's on the poop deck.
Both sides are already firing some long-range shells at the other. Both say there will be more dirt dug up in this fight than Jack Sparrow on a treasure hunt.
In the meantime, invent your own lyrics to this one...
...The R. Kelly classic "Trapped in the Closet". This story promises to have more sequels than Kelly's version, which is still ongoing at Chapter 22.
'Scuze me, that would be ARRRRR Kelly.