Dating Scene

That's a First!

Remember your first kiss? Your first love? Your first break up? Some firsts are good and some are bad but no matter what, they will forever remain locked inside our mind.

This week was full of firsts for me. My boyfriend and I went away for a few days. We went up to Elephant Butte and spent the most amazing 2 days EVER!! I got to thinking about some things that have happened throughout my life. The first time I ever told someone I loved them, or the first time I got my heart broken. Life is full of firsts, even those that should never be repeated.

I also went through those firsts we all go through in a new relationship. First night you spend together, first trip, first time he sees you without your make up (yikes!!! ha ha). It's amazing how those simple things can make you feel so close to someone. A very important first happened as well. As sad as this may sound, I had never had anyone treat me as good as I've been treated lately. My feelings had never been regarded and considered as they have now. Now that's a first!

Every new relationship is a learning process. You'll remember your first fight because you learned something new about them that day. Same goes for the first time you felt amazed by them. Take the time to get to know your partner. The little firsts you experience together can only enrich your relationship. If there is something you lack in your relationship, do something about it. Sometimes we tend to ask things of a person they aren't capable of giving. Make sure you are willing to take a deeper look at the relationship. It might not be pleasant but it's necessary. Put yourself first, if you don't no one else will.

Here's to all those firsts still to come! And if this is your first time reading my blog, welcome! Thank you for reading :)

Have a question or a comment? Email me at Klizarra1@aol.com

So you found love... now what?

In our endless search for love, we come across certain situations that test our belief in love. Bad relationships, bad breakups and even worse dates really dwindle away our faith in love and relationships and yet something allows us to hang on for Mr./Ms. Right. What happens after you finally find that person?

The search is long for some and even longer for others. We are all used to the rush of the first dates, the second dates and the no dates, but once in a blue moon you come across someone that completely redefines the meaning of the word "Love".

Take me, the hopeless romantic, a person that has always believed in love in spite of everything. I have had my share of bad dates and bad relationships but even through all of that I believed that there would be someone out there for me. I had a taste of what a good relationship would be like, a glimpse really, something that never panned out. I realized that I had been giving so much for so little. It was time to rethink my position in the dating scene.

I came close to throwing in the towel when out of nowhere comes Aaron. I met this wonderful man in a phone chat line. I know I have never been an advocate of these late night chat lines but once in a while a really wonderful thing can happen, no matter where your search may be. We talked for hours that night, actually never really hung up. We talked about everything and anything. He's made me see that all the things I believed in my heart about love are not so far fetched. They really do exist and come to life when you meet someone special.

I found someone I can be myself with and someone that would never make me compromise anything about my belief in love. So what comes after your find love? Stay tuned and we can find out together :)

Thank you for reading...

Have a question or a comment? Email me at Klizarra1@aol.com

Labels and Love

First, I wanted to apologize for the absence of blogs lately. I had my computer crash (got the blue screen of death!) and was without it for a bit. I'm back now and ready for more blogging.

Ever ask or had someone ask you to label your relationship? Are we dating? Are we friends with benefits? Are we exclusive? Are we just friends? If you are leading up to any of these questions I believe it's time to have "the talk".

You are probably wondering what I mean by "the talk". The talk I am referring to is the inevitable discussion you will sooner or later have to go through in a relationship that has lacked direction from the beginning. Things will slowly progress but there are some relationships that remain in the gray area.

A good example to share is something that happened to me recently. I met Steve about a month ago. We hit it off and shared endless phone conversations. We decided to go on our first date, dinner and a movie. We had a great time. We got to see each other a few more times after that. A few weeks went by and we spent a very nice weekend together. After our weekend was over he said he'd call me. Ladies! we all know that if he says he's going to call you that day it usually means 3 days in man time. I decided to take the initiative and call first, left a message. He didn't return my call until the following weekend. I was getting mixed signals.

When we were together on our weekend it didn't phase me to ask about the relationship (probably would've been more appropriate then). I needed to know so I asked, "What are we? are we friends? are we dating?" He hesitated and said, "We're friends aren't we?". I was a bit thrown because the things we got to share that weekend weren't things I share with my friends.

I guess what I am trying to say with this blog is to make sure both of you know where you stand. If you have a question about the relationship don't hesitate to ask. If both of you are on the same page there is a lesser risk of someone getting hurt.

We talk occasionally now but I learned that I needed to have a label for what we were, made things easier for me and it helped me decide if it was something I wanted or not. Totally worth it!

Thank you for reading :)

Have a question or a comment? Email me at Klizarra1@aol.com

Missed Connections

Ever seen someone while you're out about your day that just catches your attention only to never see them again? I've been there as I am sure you all have as well. But what if there was a way you could find them and connect with them? Would you try it?

A friend of mine emailed me this article and I found it very interesting. I would've posted it all but it is kind of long so I thought a link would be more appropriate. Hope you read it. I'd love to hear your comments about it. Thank you for reading :)

Have a question or a comment? Email me at Klizarra1@aol.com

Faith and Relationships

Do you have faith? In love? Relationships? Yourself? God?

A dear friend of mine recently started dating a co-worker of hers. He is sweet, honest, independent, etc. All the qualities she looks for in a man. He is also Catholic and very religious. The topic of religion came up in one of our conversations recently. I want to share it with you.

Their first date couldn't have gone better. Conversation was great and the chemistry was off the charts. After the movie they decided to have dinner. At dinner after their food was brought out, he bowed his head and said a quick prayer to say Thanks. She didn't know whether to wait or bow her head as well. She felt a little awkward. This act is not something foreign to her, that is not why she felt the way she did. She shared something with me. She told me that ever since her divorce she had fallen a little distant from God. She had always been someone that prayed and went to church whenever she could but she couldn't explain the distance. In her heart she felt that this man was put in her path for a reason. A reason that showed her the way back to her beliefs.

Faith is not solely about religion. What we believe in is what gives us faith. Faith that our soulmate is out there, faith that someday we will find the courage to escape an abusive relationship, etc. Faith is about believing in something and never compromising. Most importantly the knowledge that no matter what the outcome we will be alright. Life puts us through many tests but our faith is what keeps us going. Faith in ourselves is what fuels our strength. What do you believe in?

I believe that everything happens for a reason. What do you think?

Thank you for reading :)

Have a question or a comment you want to share? Email me at Klizarra1@aol.com

Best Places to Meet Singles

In several posts I have offered various ideas of places to meet other singles in this area. We had also discussed the topic in one of our podcasts. I've received several emails asking me the same question and I think it's time to do something a little different.

This time I would like to hear from you, the reader. Give us your ideas of where the best places to meet singles are. Have a good experience or a horror story to share? Share your stories and comments with us.

I look forward to hearing your ideas and experiences. After all, two heads think better than one, five heads think better than 3.... etc.

Thank you! :)

-Kari

Have a question?

Have a question or a comment? Email me at Klizarra1@aol.com

I will reply as soon as I can. Thank you for reading :)

RE: Bad Experience

Hi there,

I know how frustrating it can be trying to figure out why someone does the things that they do. Believe me I know.

Sounds to me like this man has no clue what he wants or what good manners are. If you two had made a plan to meet that night he should've honored it. If something came up last minute, that is totally OK but the least he could've done is extended you the courtesy to call you or text you about the change of plans. Simple isn't it?

I understand how you are feeling, believe me I have been there enough times. My advice to you is to stop trying to figure out what went wrong or what you did wrong. From your email I couldn't see anything wrong with the way you handled the situation. Things happened the way they were meant to.

It's still very recent, it happened a week ago. It's understandable to still feel the way that you do. Let it go and slowly you will move on. I know this may not be comforting to you but believe me you will feel this way again. Someone will come along and he will sweep you off your feet. I promise.

Thank you for your email. Hope this helps.

Good luck!

Kari

Bad Experience

Hello Karina,

I am a 30 something year old attractive and single parent of three, I been single since 2001 and just barely discover the internet dating websites.  I met this wonderful and attractive 6.3 feet tall Hispanic male. I met him through the yahoo personals website and we were chatting for around 2weeks, we set up a date so we can met in person; since we had just met through pictures, we met on Saturday September the 27^th on one of the theaters far east  in El Paso.  We watched a movie and right after that we went to grab some dinner near by the theater, we stayed there for probably 3 hours and then we decided to leave and go back to our cars.  We talked and talked to hours, and then all of the sudden we were just hugging nothing else just hugging no kissing no talking nothing for a long period of time; it felt good and comforting, to tell you the truth I think I felt loved.  There was mutual attraction physically, mentally and sexually, if you know what I mean.  After that day we kept in touch almost every day till Friday October the 3^rd, we said we were going to see each other again that night, so I got off from work texted him that I was on my way to my house and nothing he didn’t reply, so I waited got ready and made dinner for him texed him again just asking him if he was going to be able to go, and then again nothing didn’t hear form him at all, so I went to sleep and woke up the next morning feeling miserable and depress, I heard back from him on Saturday afternoon around 6:45 pm by a text saying “Hola ”, so I texted him back probably 30 minutes after just by a question mark, and he reply with another question mark, I was expecting from him an explanation but he didn’t  give me any explanation, all he was worried about a movie that was not in the case and Blockbuster had called him in regards of that, so anyways he was upset at me for god knows what reason.  After that I haven’t heard of him.  This men swept me of my feet, I think it was love at first sight and I thought he felt the same thing, I mean he made me feel like no one has ever made me feel before, I don’t know what went wrong,  advice me please!!

Thank you

Giving up the search

Dear Kari,

I really enjoy reading your blog. My dating life hasn't always been positive. I have been hurt too many times to count. Lately I have just been feeling this desire to just give up the search, it's too exhausting. I love being in a relationship, thing is, most of the time I am struggling on my own trying to keep the relationship afloat. What am I doing wrong? Is it supposed to be this hard?

Any advice would be welcomed.

Celina

Dear Celina,

I completely understand where you are coming from. Been there done that! I think that it's not so much what you are doing wrong but rather what you are willing to put up with in the name of love. We all have our limit and I think you have finally reached yours. However, I don't think the solution to your problem is to give up the search.

Truth be told the search for love is exhausting for most, I know I'm exhausted. Trick is to learn from your mistakes. Make sure you know what you want and what you don't want in a partner. Don't overlook the obvious. You're right, things really shouldn't be this hard but unfortunately they sometimes are.

My advice is to give it time. You'll no doubt have your good days and your bad days. Some days you won't be able to get the smile off your face and some you will feel like throwing in the towel. We all go through that, I know I do. Never give up the search though, it's the search that fuels our passion for love. Otherwise it wouldn't be worth it.

Thank you for your email, I hope this helps.

Have a question or a comment? Email me at Klizarra1@aol.com