Advice

hello there

I love reading your blogs.. Now I guess it's my turn to ask you're advice on something..

I've been seeing this guy for about 4 months. I think I pretty much screwed things up at first, but let me tell you the story..

(we'll abrreviate with first initials)

J and I have known each other for about 8 months now, well he knows me pretty well I guess. Our very first "date" (don't even think it vouches for one) was back in july.. I had this mentality set that all I wanted from him was a physical relationship.. So that so-called date in july was pretty much a door for me to take him to bed.. which it did happen and I was content with it because it was all I wanted.. I was pretty much a man.. I told him lets go to bed and I ended up leaving right after, no cuddling no nothing no I'll called you tomorrow thing..

So the next night I set things straight, I told him that I'll make a deal with him and we'll see each other for a physical thing only.. this went for the next 3 months... In between those 3 months it was confusing.. I knew what I wanted but he was asking me personal questions as far as my family, about my job etc.etc.. which I dont mind answering but why do you need to know all of this if we have already established the type of relationship we have.. I guess he's wanting more than a physical thing?? He has already come to my house, he knows my sister.. I mean its getting a little personal you know.. This is where it gets f**ked up... Now its kind of backfiring.. I txt/call him and he doesnt respond.. yet when I'm not doing it he's calling me at 1 in the morning.. of course I dont answer.. I admit I like him.. He's someone I wouldn't mind being with.. but I'm thinking he's afraid of commitment or/and he just got bored.. now I'm not sure if there will be a next time, but I think I screwed things up... I want him.. what should I do!! please help a sister with a little advice..

 

Hello,

Here's what I see. You obviously like him. Why don't you just tell him? It's better than wondering how he feels and where you two stand. If there's something on your mind you really wouldn't be losing anything by asking. You'll get your answer either way.

Do you know what you want out of this? One thing I have learned is that sometimes we think we want something when in reality we have no idea what we want. You started this as a casual relationship, no commitments or expectations. He went along with it for a few months. Then he started asking you more personal questions regarding your life and family which made you think he wanted something more serious. Did he ever bring up the subject? Did you?

It comes down to this. What started as something completely casual has possibly evolved into something a little more serious. Is that something you are interested in? What I'm wondering is, do you really want to be with J or has his lack of attention (not answering to your calls/text) sparked a bit of interest in your part? Think about it.

If you get anything out of this email I hope it's the fact that you should always be honest about your feelings. You didn't screw things up by doing what you did. Maybe it just wasn't meant to be. You should ask what needs to be asked. If you're wondering where he stands in regards to your relationship, ask him. There's no better way to find out.

I hope this helps. Thank you for your email :)

Good Luck!

-Kari

Have a question or a comment? Email me at Klizarra1@aol.com

Comments

[Ali Khamal]

Where the hell can I find tramps like you with that mentality?!!?!?

[Alex]

ha ha yeah that's the way to get into a ladie's heart!

[Jaime]

If all you want(ed) is a physical relationship, then you should have taken the 1am phone call. Have you never heard of a "booty call?"

[Ali Khamal]

Help?!!? The cardinal rule: Women are each other's worst enemies. Good luck, naive vixen!!!

[Anna]

You reap what you sow. If I were a man I would not take you seriously. You must be young, your still playing games.