Dating Scene

The One Year Itch

This Saturday will be my boyfriend's and I one year anniversary. So much has happened in the last 12 months it's hard to recount it all. Some good and some bad but overall worth it.

I think it's always important to steer the relationship clear of the routine. Keep it fresh and exciting. But in the real world with work and schedules, what can we really do?

The smallest things can be the most rewarding. You don't have to put on a huge production every night in order to show someone you care. A call in the middle of the day to let them know you are thinking of them would do it.

I want to ask you, the reader, to post some ideas. What are some good ideas to keep things fresh and exciting in a relationship? Keep it G rated people please!!

Let's hear 'em!

Your Social Life: What happens now?

Have you ever dated someone that had a problem with the fact that you enjoy spending time with your friends?

I think at one point or another we have all been through that. Why is it that some people find this so threatening? I understand there has got to be a middle ground. You can't spend all your time with others and not with your partner. What happens to your social life once you start a relationship with someone?

First, we have the social avoidance issue. This happens when we become completely fixated in our partner that we in turn neglect socializing with friends and family. This is not a healthy situation to be in. Putting all of our energy solely on someone will inevitably end in disaster. They WILL disappoint you, why? Because no matter what they do we won't be satisfied with the amount of attention we get since we are giving them our undivided attention and of course expect nothing less. We need to maintain our friendships and family ties in good health. They are, after all, part of who we are.

Second, we have the forbidden social interaction issue. This happens when our partner has a problem with other relationships outside of ours. It becomes an issue that just keeps sprouting resentment. Why would someone want to cause this uncomfortable situation? And why would we stand it? No one should have the right to dictate what you're allowed to do. A relationship takes respect and patience not demands and threats. Get away from this as fast as you can, this will not turn out well.

We have to find a middle ground in everything we do. We can't do too little or too much, we have to maintain a healthy balance. Ex's coming around the office and calling at all ours of the night is not respectful. You need to give your partner the place they deserve. With this handled, things should be a bit smoother in your dating scene.

Thank you for reading :)

Role Playing

 

In relationships there are traditional male and female roles. When is it OK for those lines to be crossed?

Take for example a marriage proposal. Nowadays women have taken on roles that had been traditionally held by men. A woman asking a man to marry her is not accepted by some. Why is that? To some it may seem desperate and to some, romantic. Which one would you fall under?

I'll share a little something with you. I asked my boyfriend to marry me. His response wasn't negative per say but rather typical. "I'm supposed to ask you", he says. I am not going to say that his response surprised me, I think I expected something like that. He's very traditional (Love it!!).

Another common example is a woman initiating sex, some men love that, others find it a turn off. Women making more money or carrying the financial responsibility of their household could be a few more examples. Perhaps men need to see women as the "softer" sex. Perhaps it's just a matter of tradition and upbringing. This reversal seems to make things a bit more exciting at times. On the other hand this may sometimes cause friction in the relationship.

I realize the title of this blog may have been a bit misleading to some expecting ideas on how to spice up things in the bedroom. Stay tuned... you never know what may come next.

Thank you for reading :)

Do you have a question or a story you would like to share? Email me at Klizarra1@aol.com

Blogger Note

I enjoyed having the male perspective being expressed on this blog. I have offered spots to male guest boggers and so far no takers.

For those few that complain there is no male representation on the blog... STEP RIGHT UP!

Email me your blog and I wil post it...

Thank you :)

Klizarra1@aol.com

What Color Are You?

The psychology of color is very interesting. What each color does for your mood etc. Remember mood rings? Those rings could predict your mood by reading body temperature. They would turn a certain color that would tell you exactly how you were feeling. Not an exact science however lol. I got to thinking, some colors are very representative of our dating and relationship selves. What color are you?

RED

People that fall under this color are passionate. Due to this passion they may rush into things not quite giving them much thought. They're creative and enjoy being surrounded by people. Their energetic personalities drive them in everything they do. They can be proud and sometimes hard to please. This color is very emotionally based.

BLUE

People that fall under this color are calm. They think things through and can almost predict their outcome. They are peacekeepers in their relationships. They hardly loose their cool when an altercation occurs. This calm demeanor can sometimes hold them back in the spontaneity department. They can be reserved at first but warm up well into a conversation. They are very methodical. This color is mentally based.

YELLOW

People that fall under this color are very cautious. They may hesitate to try something new. They can be very doubtful in their relationships.This could be as a result of past experiences. This cautious demeanor may make them shy away from new opportunities. They are very warm and friendly but only once they are familiar with the person. This color is both emotionally and mentally based. 

 

Notice how the three colors are primary? It's true that there will always be some variation in each of the color personalities (orange, green, etc.).  Which one are you?

Thank you for reading :)

 

Below the Surface

Who hasn't judged a person by the way they look? "Oh she's overweight she must eat all day!". "He likes to dance, he must be gay". Judge much?

My 8 year old niece has been getting teased at school because she cut her hair short. You have no idea what this does to a child, I know, I've been there. The teasing doesn't end with school. Those people that tease carry those traits with you into adulthood. You start dating certain type of people.

Looks can be deceiving. In the last few months I have been observing how people react to their looks and the appearance of others. The girls constantly needing to check their hair are just the tip of the iceberg. You've seen them admit it! =)

This has turned into a trend. The guys dating only thin girls or the girls just dating the hot guys. It's sad to see. You are missing out and overlooking the most important thing of all, inner beauty. (For those rolling their eyes right now... STOP IT! you might learn something lol) The hot guy will only be hot for a while then what? You realize that he's as dull as a doorknob. Attraction is very important in a relationship don't get me wrong but what I refer to is the fact that many times we don't give the people that don't fit our physical criteria a chance.

We need to look below the surface at the real person. Who they are and what makes them unique. You never know who may be waiting around the corner. Your new best friend or your soul mate? Give people a chance to impact your life.

To those out there that based their self-worth on looks, get over it! They will not last forever. I was teased and tortured by name calling in school but what that made my skin a whole lot thicker. I base my self-worth on who I am inside and who I am to the people I love. Life gets a whole lot better once you realize that we are all here for the same reason, to live our lives. Fat, skinny short or tall we are all ONE.

Anyone for Shallow Hal?

SHARE YOUR STORIES WITH US :0) THANK YOU FOR READING!

A Matter of Time

My boyfriend recently had to put down his beloved pet of 12 years. This is a tremendously hard situation to go through. My initial instinct was to ask him about it. When he said "I don't want to think about it" I thought that he may be supressing his feelings and of course thought of asking again. I couldn't help but think about the consequences of not dealing with your feelings. But in the end I let it alone and just stepped aside allowing him to deal with it the best way he knew how.

It has been my experience that men deal with hard situations differently than we do. Most men don't need to talk about their experience in order to heal and move on. Many of them just need time to sort out their feelings. In turn we sometimes feel like they just don't want to talk to US about it.

Ladies, one thing I learned is that pushing the issue just makes things worse. Women are naturally designed to want to relate to someone else to help them deal with an issue. Of course this is not te case for all women, but most of us do desire that shoulder to cry on.

Giving your boyfriend or guy friend the time to resolve things on their own will definitely inspire them to open up about other things in the future. Isn't that what we want in the end?

GUYS, have you had a girl push you into talking about something you had no desire to discuss?

I'd love to hear your stories :)

Confessions of a cheater

What drives someone to cheat? Is it true that once it happens there is a very good chance it will happen again? What keeps us in the relationship after infidelity?

A dear friend of mine recently discovered that her partner of 2 years was cheating on her. She is devastated. She questions herself trying to figure out what she could have done to prevent this from happening. I have gone through this several times as I know you have. Why is it that we sometimes blame ourselves for this happening?

A friend of mine opened up to me and as a cheater himself, he confessed the top three reasons why he cheated.

    1. Loss of interest in the current relationship

    2. Loss of physical attraction

    3. Retaliation

Loss of interest is very common. Question is, why is it that people don't end their relationship once this loss occurs? If at any time you are having thoughts about someone else and are actually considering cheating, I think it's time to end the relationship you are in. I think we get to a comfortable state in which it just seems easier to go ahead with the infidelity rather than face the other person with the truth.

Loss of physical attraction is also a common occurance. Maybe one person's appearance has changed and we just can't get ourselves to tell them we are no longer attracted to them physically. Or maybe the physical connection shared at one point just isn't there anymore. But wouldn't it just be easier to tell the truth instead of hurting them by being unfaithful?

Retaliation is a bit less heard of but it does happen. Cheating because you were cheated on. The humiliation felt then turns to anger. At this point the relationship has crossed the point of no return. There is nothing to salvage after this act. Would you want to stay knowing you can hurt each other again?

We've all had rocky relationships. Temptation is all around. Difference is we must choose not to act on our impulses. The hurt and humiliation that comes of infedelity is irreversible. You wouldn't like to have this done to you so why do it to someone? Remember The Golden rule!

Thank you for reading :)

I apologize for the lack of blogs lately. I've been having some personal issues to take care of. Things are getting back to normal thankfully. I promise I will not forget you!

-Kari

Reading the signs: He/She is just not that into you

After watching "He's just not that into you" last night, I realized that the movie was not that far from the truth. How many of us have fooled ourselves into believing a person is totally into us when they haven't showed the slightest bit of interest?

Allowing our emotions to take over our head with nothing to back them up is a tricky game. We need to be smarter about reading the signs. When we are set on finding someone no matter what the cost, we fabricate and very convincinly believe that the person is interested.

These are a few situations we've all been through at one point or another:

• They seemed interested

. The entire night was great in your eyes. They smiled and seemed to enjoy it. If a person is interested they will show it. Read the person's body language. Do they look you in the eye? Do they ask you questions? It's easy to see things that aren't there when we want something so bad. Don't fool yourself.

• They asked for my number. During the course of the night you get the "I'll call you" comment. Your insides are filled with butterflies. Tomorrow comes and goes with no call. It's not hard to see that they just didn't want to call. If they wanted to they would have. We will go to great lengths to excuse the person. DON'T!
• They don't share anything personal. This usually happens after sharing a few dates together. You spend time together yet they are very vague about themselves. Being interested in someone means wanting to share everything you can about yourself in order to get to know each other. The lack of sharing personal information may mean they just aren't interested in anything serious.

I'm sure there are plenty more things we miss when we are blinded by our insecurities. We need to go into the dating scene with our senses as sharp as ever in order to avoid an easily preventable heartache. Eyes wide open!

Thank you for reading :)

Appearances Can Be Deceiving

It's true that in the dating world it's a good idea to take a deeper look. Just because someone appears to be legit doesn't mean they are. Is the person you're dating who they say they are? Are their intentions what they say they are or what you think they are?

It's a very practical and wise choice to do a little digging. Don't get me wrong, I am not asking all of you to go out and hire private detectives to follow the person around but just make a little extra effort to find out more about this person.

Sadly we've heard stories of women dating men who turn out to be married or men dating women that never mentioned having any children. Choosing to wear a wool over your eyes is not a healthy choice. Sometimes we want something so bad that we ignore all the obvious.

Self-protection needs to be practiced by everyone in the dating merry-go-round. In the past I have made the mistake of assuming to know someone when in reality I didn't have a clue as to who they were or what their intentions were. The result was heartache and lower self-esteem.

Appearances CAN be deceiving but even more deceiving are the things we tell ourselves to excuse having second thoughts about the person we are with.

Better to be alone than with the wrong person... I AGREE 100%!!! Would you stand for someone that has flat our lied about who they are? So why stick around after finding out that the person you're with isn't who you thought they were?

I would love to hear your stories and comments on the subject. Thank you fore reading :)